As I alluded to over a couple of posts recently my family has shrunk a bit. It has been through these losses that true grace has been revealed. Anyone that watches as their parents or in my case grandparents as they lose their ability to care for themselves knows it is hard. No longer do you see them the same. No longer are they the same. Their true self shines through almost child like. My grandmother passed away a couple of weeks ago. She had changed from the steadfast strong lady I once knew. Her life began to dwindle with her memory. One moment she knew me, the next I was a stranger. I pray that the loving woman, full of joy and grace the last I saw her. I pray that was the real grandma I happened to never really know. We had our differences. We could go quite some time without even speaking. Now that she is gone, I pray the way she was the last few months. I pray that was God’s way of shining through her to speak to me. A couple of weeks after her passing at the age of 98, I lost my sweet beautiful cousin at age 33. My heart was devastated. Why would God take her so soon? In reflecting over the times we spent, my cousin was living a life full of grace. Her life was so full you could not help but be changed by her presence. Although her life was taken suddenly and what […]

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Is it all in His Design right? Right or wrong it is designed by His hand. Sometimes that plan hurts and causes us to ask “when will His Design Let Up? I am not one to question the design of my heavenly Father. After spending too many of my younger years angry and doubtful. The pain, hurt, and death I experienced, I blamed God for it all. It was not until I was much older that I learned to keep my questions silent. We look to our Father to lead us in times of pain and hurt. He provides comfort in knowing that he has us in the palm of his hand. Does that stop the pain? No. Do we no longer feel the pain? No. However, having the faith and knowledge that those we have lost in this world await us celebrating in the next makes the hurt bearable. Being able to press in and know when it is our time we too might hear him say “well done.” Our emotions over the space our loved ones left may get the best of us at times. We find ourselves crying uncontrollably for what appears to be no reason. Our hurt pours out across our cheeks. He reaches down gently from heaven. Places a hand on our shoulder wipes our tears away. “Rest easy my child; they are now with me.” He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there shall be no more death or mourning, wailing or pain, [for] the old order […]

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The phone rang, yet I was not there to answer. A call to “call home” was all that was left, the sinking pit of all my fears overwhelmed my heart full of trepidation.  He does not usually call me, what could he possibly want, wonder what I did this time, the thoughts whirled through my head.  I will just call back later, is what I said to myself, dreading the condemnation that might occur on the other end of the phone. Startled, I must have dosed off or was caught gazing into my own emotional abyss, I jumped a bit when the phone rang again, this time with almost a sense of urgency that could be felt.  I answered bracing myself for the worst, yet hoping for the best.  The voice on the other end trembled as the words were spoken.. ‘it’s your grandfather’. What do you mean grandpa?  I just saw him, we had just talked,