Have you ever lost a pet? Or better yet have you outlived your pet? If so then you know the empty hole that they can leave. As a pet owner since early childhood, I have endured living beyond their time all too many times. It never gets easier, and you don’t miss them any less. I woke this morning to a quiet house. Well, as quiet as a house with three large, needy rescue pups can be. It was quiet as I did not have the motion detected Hue light come on before I entered our front room. Quiet, without a hungry, sleepy “meow” to greet me under my bare feet. No pitter-patter paw prints across the floor leading me to the kitchen to his bowl. Last evening I placed my furkid kitty of thirteen years in the ground. He had lost his battle with age, kidney failure, and more. I left yesterday morning to go to work knowing he was not doing very well. Before I returned home he crawled into the bed that up until recently he rarely used and went to sleep. Looking as if he had gone peacefully to join all my pets before him. (Yes I firmly believe that animals also go over the rainbow bridge and await us playfully in heaven.) A good fight had been fought. He allowed myself and my wife our own personal moments over the last few days to love on him. We knew his precious time with us was near, we prayed over him, […]

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As I alluded to over a couple of posts recently my family has shrunk a bit. It has been through these losses that true grace has been revealed. Anyone that watches as their parents or in my case grandparents as they lose their ability to care for themselves knows it is hard. No longer do you see them the same. No longer are they the same. Their true self shines through almost child like. My grandmother passed away a couple of weeks ago. She had changed from the steadfast strong lady I once knew. Her life began to dwindle with her memory. One moment she knew me, the next I was a stranger. I pray that the loving woman, full of joy and grace the last I saw her. I pray that was the real grandma I happened to never really know. We had our differences. We could go quite some time without even speaking. Now that she is gone, I pray the way she was the last few months. I pray that was God’s way of shining through her to speak to me. A couple of weeks after her passing at the age of 98, I lost my sweet beautiful cousin at age 33. My heart was devastated. Why would God take her so soon? In reflecting over the times we spent, my cousin was living a life full of grace. Her life was so full you could not help but be changed by her presence. Although her life was taken suddenly and what […]

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Dear Fear, You and I have been through a lot together; I wanted to share what I learned from you in this letter. We have spent many long and sleepless nights together. You made me believe in myself. Scratch that you made me believe in another self. The self that did not exist, one built on lies, like a house made of match sticks. The whispers you spoke into my soul at night, driving deep into my humanity. I believed you; you created me. We shared some great times together, well they were great for you at least. You partied and had a fake lifestyle, one where you pretended to have it all together. Meanwhile, I was buried in my insecurities and self-doubt. I believed the lies you told me, telling me I was worthless, would not amount to anything, even stupid. I thought I could change you, but in turn, you changed me. I no longer recognized the skeleton that looked back in my mirror. I was a fading image of what God had made me be. We have grown apart, you and I, we are different now. I no longer have the same feelings I once had for you. You have become distant and, well I cheated on you. I found someone else that loves me for me. They don’t try to change me or fix me. I wake in the morning without buyers remorse. Laying my head down at night knowing I have made the right choice. Don’t shed tears as you […]

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