As I alluded to over a couple of posts recently my family has shrunk a bit. It has been through these losses that true grace has been revealed. Anyone that watches as their parents or in my case grandparents as they lose their ability to care for themselves knows it is hard. No longer do you see them the same. No longer are they the same. Their true self shines through almost child like. My grandmother passed away a couple of weeks ago. She had changed from the steadfast strong lady I once knew. Her life began to dwindle with her memory. One moment she knew me, the next I was a stranger. I pray that the loving woman, full of joy and grace the last I saw her. I pray that was the real grandma I happened to never really know. We had our differences. We could go quite some time without even speaking. Now that she is gone, I pray the way she was the last few months. I pray that was God’s way of shining through her to speak to me. A couple of weeks after her passing at the age of 98, I lost my sweet beautiful cousin at age 33. My heart was devastated. Why would God take her so soon? In reflecting over the times we spent, my cousin was living a life full of grace. Her life was so full you could not help but be changed by her presence. Although her life was taken suddenly and what […]

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Dear Dad, I am writing this letter, and I hope it finds you in good health.  That probably sounds strange since we have not talked in many years or perhaps ever. Either way, I wish you only the best today which is different from the way it has been. I have tried to write this letter many times before and never succeeded. However, I do have a few things I would like to share with you, things I think you should know. When you walked away and left me behind, you left more than just a child. You left behind a part of you in me that I have had to live with my entire life, up until now. I doubt I cried tears when you left, at least not over your leaving. Perhaps when the hunger and dirty diapers that kicked in, I likely shed some tears, but they were not for you. I would have to have known you to cry for you, or so I thought. Growing up I got used to being called names like a bastard, I mean you did leave so it was somewhat accurate. Then again are you a bastard when both parents leave? Anyway, I digress, where was I? Oh yeah… As a child, it was uncomfortable never really fitting in. Fights were normal as I always felt alone and out-of-place. Anyone that called be a bas”….” or “son of a b….” , well those were fighting words.  I had parents, but they did not look like me. I had anger […]

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Adoption is something that is near and dear to every believer’s heart, Biblical Adoption changed my life forever. Ever meet someone who appears to be standoffish?  Maybe the walls they have up are blocking you from getting to know them. Whenever you ask them how they are you get one word answers like ‘fine’ or ‘okay’. They resist seeking relationships, going after goals or things that they want. Many people consider these behaviors as odd or even antisocial. Hopefully you will recognize that these behaviors may represent more than how they appear. Do you know someone who hides their own achievements, who would rather remain in the shadows. They separate themselves from the crowds. Usually they don’t care for the spotlight. Even on their own birthdays they  are somber and would rather be left alone. I am referring to the signs that can be misinterpreted as depression or behavior issues. In fact they are simply signs of adoption. Depending on the age the child was when adopted the signs can become more evident. I speak from experience as I was adopted as a child. Lived with the feeling that I never really fit in. Always feeling as if there was something missing. Not that there really was, but the longing for more still remained. Feelings of abandonment and rejection envelopes your emotions. Buried under trust issues and loneliness. The walls get built by bricks of bad memories and hurtful insults. Anger seeps in unexpectedly and consumes your mind. Wondering ‘why me‘ and ‘what if’s‘ drown your ability to […]

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