SecondIron's Blog

Sharpening Iron to Live Second

Two Sides to Every Marriage

two sides

photo credit:JLM Photography. via photopin cc

Just like a coin, there are two sides to every marriage.

Do you find yourself at times at odds with your spouse?

Worried that no matter what you say or do it won’t be right.

This is not to say that there is anything wrong per se. Women and men are built differently, we all know that. Whether they are from Mars and eat Waffles or from Venus full of Spaghetti. No matter what the interpretation the result it we are different, and thank God we are. Being different can cause divides in understanding that can make it feel like we don’t know one another.

This has nothing to do with how much we love and adore each other.

Everyone knows that you love one another, but is that enough?

You pass by each other throughout your days together like two ships in a harbor. You know each other are there and may wave in passing without really checking into port. If we don’t make the effort to check-in and communicate with each other we will become strangers In the night.

Keeping this in mind, the way we check-in is going to be different, what works for one will not work for the other. Let me break it down a little bit for you.


  • When we say we are thinking nothing ..we mean we really are thinking “nothing”.
  • Feelings are different for us, they are not colored with rainbows led by unicorns and many times they come in one syllable words.
  • We do not know how to fix things that bother you, mostly because we don’t know they need fixing.
  • We will get lost in trying to hold everything together that it will all fall apart.
  • When we say you look ‘nice’ or ‘good’, they mean the same as gorgeous, beautiful and the like just are easier to say.
  • If we are stressed we will shut down, become distant that is our way of protecting you from the boot deep mess we are in.
  • Yes we internalize and we cannot help it, you really don’t want to be inside our heads anyway… trust us.
  • Although we are men, we can be sensitive, usually if our team loses or our organized chaos is cleaned.
  • We would rather you rip out our fingernails than to start a sentence with we need to talk.
  • We need all the help we can get as long as we can take credit and don’t need to say thank you.
  • We know you will re-do any household task we do, can you just wait until we are out of the room.


  • Women are called delicate flowers for a reason, they are not just one of the guys and should not be talked to or treated like they are.
  • Whenever she says that she is unhappy (may not spell it out for you) pay attention!
  • If she tells you about her day, that does not mean you need to fix any of it just listen.
  • When she talks, actually listen, that means turn away from the t.v. put down the cell phone and give her your undivided attention.
  • Believe it or not every argument will not lead to make-up sex, sometimes it is just an argument that needed to happen.
  • If you wonder if your wife will approve of a purchase, put it back , leave immediately, you already knew the answer.
  • No matter how much WD-40 and Duck Tape you want to throw at it, there are some things you just cannot fix.
  • If you feel you are drowning, whether financially, emotionally or spiritually it is okay to ask her to toss you a lifeline, she already knows anyway.
  • She may not always be right, but she is never wrong and that’s a good thing.
  • You are the man of the house, act like it, grow a backbone and lead her, she will follow you as long as you lead.
  • Always kiss her goodnight, tell her you love her before you go, treasure every moment you share together and don’t be afraid to let her know.
  • God made you to be in union with your wife, she looks to you to protect her and be the spiritual warrior He chose you to be, follow him and she will follow you.

Good communication, good loving and an open heart will save most marriages. We were built to thrive with one another and flourish by the others spirit. The more we feed into each others lives and share in the moments together the more we grow. Listen to the heart of your spouse, and spouses open your hearts to be heard.

Now its your turn: Do you have any insight from your marriage of two sides that you would like to share? If so please comment below as we can all learn from one another.

About Charles Johnston

Charles is a Christian, husband and father of fur-kids who shares his walk with others in hopes to help other's along the way.

2 Replies

  1. Well said, Charles! Two different species that take (almost) the same form. 😉

  2. This is exactly right.